sick and nostalgic and college options

I am still sick - and due to my unhappy lungs I'm not really spending much time out of the house... therefore there is very little to report here. It's kind of bites being, or at least, feeling, cooped up - and for some reason it's made me a bit... let's say nostalgic. Not homesick, not sad, but more like missing moments and not just moments and people but potential for moments... being here means that I'm not developing relationships back there with people who matter to me. I'm not growing myself in my home environment - and the longer I'm here I find the more often I refer to California as "home" but the less it feels like home to me.

But it's about more than me - and this has been bugging me a bit more, lately. I'm a Mom (if you didn't already know that then you should probably reconsider why you're still reading my personal disclosures). My kid is nearing the end of secondary school and giving considerable thought as to her college options. Our home base right now is here, in Europe, but this is not our home. It may seem rather obvious to you, but I've only recently realized that by taking her over here I've deprived her of the hometown high school experience. Sure, she's gaining a lot more by virtue of being here, but she will not have the same connection to our hometown as her peers - she won't have those high school friends to hang out with during her college breaks. She won't have that same appeal to move back to our old area and be close to family. I don't know where I'll be just then, but I'm slowly realizing that by moving here I've broken the cohesion. I don't know if her our extended family and her father's family will be enough for our old community to still feel like home to her - I do know that she prefers the city structure to our town, and for that I don't blame her.

At this point, we're talking about viewing some colleges she's interested over the summer. She's interested in the UC system and we should check out some state schools too. I'm hoping to find a fit in the North Bay so that she can continue to develop a dynamic that will further cement her affiliation with our hometown - not so that she's rooted there, but so she's able to explore her home-base again and reconnect with friends and family.

Why am I always sick here???

I don't know what it is, but I am sick so often... especially since we moved in June!

I caught a cold in June which by July turned in to pneumonia which lasted through August till the beginning of September, and here it is October, and I've caught, what feels like, the same cold again!

I can't speak much above a whisper, and can barely swallow, and have a cough. I HATE feeling like this!!!

I had to call in sick on Friday, tried teaching teenagers yesterday (they wrote a lot) and have had to cancel my classes today. I am also going to have to cancel all my classes tomorrow, too.

Additionally, at some point, I did something to my back, throwing it out or something, and I can't stand up straight.

I feel incredibly weak, extremely uncomfortable, and physically vulnerable - and none of those are good. But beyond that - I fell frustrated.

I need to stop catching everything that goes around!

I can...

Yeah, I can breath just about as well as I can juggle whales.

I've been sick for weeks now, and am really really tired of it. I'm now on my second round of antibiotics and this whole cold/illness/flu related lung infection thing is really cutting in to my quality of life. And my social life. And my income. I can't teach if I can't talk, and I've lost my voice a few times this summer.

And along those lines - I think I need to actively start looking for a job, another job with actual pay and regular hours, as my boss at my uni job was interviewing a super spiffy suit today, in Czech, and they laughed a few times. My boss laughed. More than once. I can't even get a smile. Unless it's ironic. I'm so screwed and am not getting the position I was sort of hoping for as I'm rather dependent upon it. Which means I need to make myself NOT dependent upon it by securing actual employment. Preferably in a form that doesn't require 6 locations in a 12 hours span, but I will take on-sight teaching if need be. Because I can.

Actually, right now that's my mantra... I can... I can breathe. I can pay my bills. I can get through this next additional delay before Coral returns...

Oh yeah - still, no visa. She'll be outside of Schengen for another month. She was due here on Friday (it's Wednesday, so in 2 days) but will stay in the US for another 10 days and then go to Canada for about 2 1/2 weeks, thereby finishing up her 3 months removal from the Schengen zone. Darn, I miss my kid.

christmas revisted

If you were one of the very few to see me this past holiday season then you've seen what I'm dealing with. Again.

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks... not all the time sick, definitely thought it was the flu sick, suddenly shaking, sweating can't breath sick, this isn't all right or do-able sick.

So, after much searching and calling about (turns out the Dr.s who take my insurance are out of town) I finally found an English speaking physician with responsive office staff and was told to come on by. So I did.

I have another lung infection. That things that seriously sidelined me back over the holidays - spent weeks in bed... yeah, that. Again.

I am not going anywhere, doing anything, or being anyone until this thing is over. Again.

All the best laid plans go awry.

I need to be able to breathe and stop with the shaking sweating fever stuff. Life, right now, is not a ton of fun.

I am a sicko

I got sick. I know, it doesn't sound too incredibly drastic or devastating, or any other doomi-ish words starting with D, but I'm not too thrilled about it. Especially since I can't really talk. I can only growl and screech.

Thankfully, they have amazing cold medicine here, which hasn't really kicked in today. But it's amazing. Completely dries out your sinuses, gives you back your voice, all of your symptoms magically disappear for 12 hours. I love it. Hopefully, it will kick in soon. That'd be nice. :)