i've become accustomed to the way you sound

I recently realized I've been living here long enough and surrounded by enough non-native English speakers that heavily accented and speech filled with fillers has been sounding "normal". In conversation with people I've now known a few years every now and then I speak more rapidly or with more natural language (for me) than I do with my students or other newer people... and then I have to back-track a bit - and it's cause I've forgotten that English isn't their language. Anyone else would hear it automatically, but I've become accustomed to the voice, accent and intonation, pauses and substituted words - so much so that I don't hear it. And so I fall in to my more familiar pattern of speaking, my natural speed, language, shortcuts, etc. realize it, stop and start over.

On another note - you know when you're angry or upset or something and you have something to say but can't find the words - that's my daily life trying to speak Czech. Last night I was out and somebody took something that wasn't theirs. I was stuck trying to reclaim it and explain the situation. And failed. It wasn't that big a deal, truly minor, but really frustrating. And I got frustrated with myself for still being restricted in my ability to communicate. I couldn't find the words to say what needed to be said. A while later, on my way home, I was thinking about what had happened and discovered - I did know the words after all! They just weren't coming to me when I wanted them - and that happens to me in English sometimes, too. As frustrating as the experience was in the moment, ultimately it turned in to a bit of a personal triumph.

could you spell that for me?

I recently encountered a surname with 17 letters and 8 syllables - it wasn't broken up with "de la" or "von" or any sort of punctuation - it was 17 letters straight, start to finish. Try fitting that on your driver's license or you signature on your credit card!

exchange students - my new cultural divide

I know that going to college doesn't magically change you in to a spoiled idiot. I know that to be a truth but I'm not observing it as a reality. These exchange students are horrid over-indulged unprepared little pills. And they're stupid too.

Trying to get a bagel the other day I was stuck next to a few waiting to order some food. A young woman was complaining that her stomach was unsettled and she couldn't eat any food in this country. We were in an American style bagel shop with no distinction between Americana and Czech food. My initial, cynical, thought was it wasn't the food - it was the alcohol... then I thought to myself that I was being horrid for thinking that. I guilt trip myself over unguided mental trips. Lame. There - did it again.

Anyway - the girl kept talking and I found out... I was right. She can't eat but she sat there and relayed 5 nights of heavy alcohol abuse - not drinking but abuse. As her exchange program is affiliated with my school I know she'd only been in the country for - 5 nights.

How can you reach adulthood, be reasonably educated, drink yourself sick for 5 nights in a row and fail to connect the toxic level of alcohol in your system with a queasy stomach. It isn't the food. The food here is too bland to be offensive!

Her classmate joined her in her misery - but on a different topic. At first I thought this second girl and had a smidgen more reason - she was complaining about the smoke. A totally valid complaint and one also have - the stifling prevalence of cigarette smoking makes my hair and clothes stink, makes my lungs sick and makes my skin looks old. She touched on hair and clothes - but what divided my sense of camaraderie was the follow-up complaint... she was irritated by the lasting smell of smoke but more irritated that their flat didn't have a dry cleaning service established for them. How was she supposed to survive? And then the waiter didn't get there fast enough when she snapped her fingers at him.

The disaffection, the boredom and disgust - the sense of ennui in the midst of this beautiful city... the lack of connection with their being - I don't understand it. I don't want to either.

Making a house a home

We've lived in a lot of places. Well over a dozen. In this country alone we've had four residences. The thing about living in a place is that while it may be your house (or flat/apartment/duplex/whatever) that house is not necessarily a home. The transition from house to home can be a lot more complicated.

I've tried to make our houses homes - to different degrees of success. Most often, though, I think we have a home - but most often means not always. Sometimes it takes many months for the homeyness to come through... but if you're lucky, like we've been with this most recent move... you get a place that is home from the get-go. Maybe the smell of fresh baked goods adds to the home impression, maybe the laughter and love makes it a complete experience, but whatever it is this place is our home... and last night was the ultimate compliment in that respect.

I had a few people over and as they came through I heard "I love your home - it's so cozy" or comfortable or some other equally pleasant word. I got to watch a friend have the same reaction we experienced when we came to view the place for the first time - she stopped in the entry way and so "Oh my gosh - this is wonderful!" But the one that affirmed for me that we've got a home and not just another house was when someone said "I love it! You've got a proper home, not just anther flat... I'm more comfortable here than in my own home."

That's the environment I want for my child - what I've always wanted and what I want to continue offering her. A place to come home to, that embraces you, one that makes you feel comfortable and at ease, one full of happy people and joy and where you want to be and your friends want to return to. That's what every child should have. A place that loves them and where they feel like they belong. I don't know the magic formula. It's a lot more than just the furniture and fixtures. It's not comfort food cooking away in the kitchen and it's not just happy people in the house. It's something else. And I'm so grateful that this time we've definitely got it.

i wish...

I wish

• that I could fall asleep before 2:00.
• that the Kid was well rested and less grumpy.
• that there was less homework in the world and other ways of ensuring necessary information was successfully transmitted.
• that I was supported by a more responsive team.
• that my homes weren't quite so far away from each other.
• that the sun remembered to visit the sky on a regular basis.
• that people would realize that feeling love is not the same as conveying love and would start letting other know they care rather than keeping those lovely feelings all nice and cozy inside.
• that I had a bed that wasn't breaking my body.
• that not one more person would be injured or killed in Egypt.
• that some crazy celebrity would hand me a check for $30k - and that I had the balls to cash it.
• that more people paid attention to the looming global warming and energy crisis and would focus on finding sustainable energy sources that didn't consume petroleum fuel in the development process.
• that African nations weren't jeopardized by their lack of water and that this very real issue was given appropriate attention. In many areas, in the coming year, many people will die of starvation as there isn't enough water to support agriculture - unfortunately those who don't die of starvation may be because dehydration kills quicker.
• that my hands and fingers didn't burn from typing this little blurb.
• that more people, myself included, sent letters and postcards.
• that I could find one doctor who would stop my constant cold without having to do any more tests.
• that the Kid finds and keeps a permanent inner peace very soon (probably won't happen until after her Physics class ends...at the earliest).
• that we all find joy in our daily lifes and remember to share it with those around us.
• to truly laugh at least twice a day, every day, for the rest of my life.
• that I didn't have to get up to turn off the light... I'm tired now, so good night.

senior trip bake sale

Yes, there is a bake sale... ARE bake SALES I should say, as it's not limited to just one or just one day. The high school seniors are raising money for their senior trip and they're doing it by baking - breads, cakes, cookies, brownies... I think it's pretty much you name it, they'll bake it. So, if you want something baked lemme know - the kid will be spending plenty of time in the kitchen in the near future. Snickerdoodles, banana bread, peanut butter cookies, blueberry muffins... place an order and help her on her way to Istanbul.

(My senior trip - we took a bus to Disneyland, quickly changed into required dresses/suits in a hotel at dusk, then went and listened to C & C Music Factory, ran around, rode some roller coasters then piled back in the bus at dawn and slept the whole way home... I think, no, I know, I drooled on some guy's shoulder. Still sorry about that Ruben. It was a blast - no planes or hotels stays or a week off school but fun nonetheless. I tracked down some C & C to share...)

thoughts on law

I'd really like to speak with lawyers - no I don't want advice, I just want to learn about the practical application of the the differences between civil code and common law. I'm reading a lot lately trying to develop some ideas and there seems to be a different approaches taken to trials and the judiciary role in the continental system versus the commonwealth and I'd like to explore the continental views... I'd like to hear about first hand experiences. And I want to develop some other ideas but in order to do so I have to research... but I've never researched any legal issues or statistics outside of the US and would appreciate an orientation/introduction/overview over here... call it what you want, I want someone to hold my hand for a few minutes and walk me through the steps, sources, etc. If I'm continuing in academics and with a degree program that is strictly academic then I should have the chance to delve more deeply in to strictly academic issues... but if we're going to switch to a practical degree then I'd like a better understanding of practical application... either way, I want to talk with someone who has the time and patience to talk with me.