Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo

Nope... not yet. It was peaking out there for a second, not even a second, half a second but now the cold grey has settled in again.

The Czech Hydro-Meteorological Office had a bit of news release today - not shocking to those of us who've been living it, but.... the sun has been hiding.

Seriously. There's been only 43% of normal sunlight hours. In the month of January, the whole month mind you, there were only 20 hours of sunlight. Last week there were two hours of visible sunlight.

Bleak.Grey. Dreary.

Hope it ends soon. 

Sick, not stuck

Each winter I get really sick. I caught a cough in November, it started to improve in December while I was away, and now it's come at me with a vengeance. I am wheezing when I'm not even breathing. It sounds like my lungs are snoring in between my breaths. I'm conscious of each breath I take. I wake up violently, gasping, wheezing and feeling like I'm choking, within minutes of falling asleep, each time I fall asleep. It has made me hesitant to take the medication that will make me drowsy. Today I had another round of lung x-rays. Have never had to do this in the US but have had to quite a few times here.

And while I'm still waiting for my results I have made some decisions...

Unless there is a complete and final resolution for my breathing problems this will be my last winter in this country. I cannot live some place if I can't breathe there. I don't know where I will go yet, most likely not back to my place of origin (doesn't meet the below criteria), so I am about to start researching other countries: places with a low cost of living, moderate climate, comprehensive and affordable medical care, and some sort of expat community/English language opportunity. If you have any suggestions please send them my way.

Feeling like a grown-up for the first time, all over again

Since moving to Europe I have lived in furnished apartments - at first this sounded exciting, a little luxurious maybe... sorta like a hotel or something. It's not. Its a big ole crapshoot. And after while you become aware that there's nothing substantial that belongs to you , nothing considerable you own and that aspect of adulthood sort of slithers away in to this odd remote concept that no longer applies to your life.

The first flat we had was tastefully furnished, if a bit spartan. The second - not as much... the third flat was filled with furniture from the second and the fourth was awesome. Really, it was freakin awesome. I loved that flat.

Now, I am here alone, living alone for the first time in my life and in a flat that is not fully furnished. It came with a wall unit, a couch and some wardrobes but no bed, table or chairs.

Tonight, for the first time in over four years, I am sleeping in my own bed. I am sleeping in a bed I own. Not a 'bought it cheap from some expat headed home' deal, not a second hand special from the shop around the corner but a brand new bed, new frame, new headboard, new mattress, all of which I went to the store for and picked out for myself. And I feel a little more adult-like, a little more established in my environment and a little more like potentially I may be a long-termer. And dammit, it's comfortable and I like it.

Now I need to bring the rest of the house up to the bed's standard :)

dating doldrums defined

A friend was talking about this speed-dating thing recently - actually a few of them were, both male and female. There is a FB group I belong to that is getting hit hard with this speed-dating company's promotion - they've been called out for spamming but it showed up again today... so, in light of  my recent conversations, I clicked on it to see what they were about before they got banned for their spam.

Here's the take-away... there are various age group divisions. In the 20-something to early 30s, both genders pay the same, full price. In the late 30s  to mid-40s females, early 40s to late 50s men, the men are offered a 50% discount.

That is how bleak it is.

my new best worst date

I went on a date a little less than two weeks ago. On the date my date met someone, someone who was listening in on our conversation and then sat down at our table. They are now living together.

I am still waiting for my dating karma to change.

Lend me your fairy tale... or rather DON'T!

Every country I go to I try to buy children's fairy tales from that region. I have a hard time in the past but have usually been successful. Never before have I experienced what I did today...

I'm in Dubai for a short while. I had a touristy evening last night and have a few days consumed with school stuff. Today, however, I went to the mall adjoining my hotel and went on a book hunt. I succeeded in finding a solid little English language bookstore. Not super shocking since every speaks English here and I'm both in an expat community and in a hotel complex, but nevertheless I was quite pleased with it.

I started my hunt for the kids books and found a huge selection and a ton of fairy tale options. After working my way through Hansel and Gretel type stuff I found the local fables... and I choked. Literally. These are not pretty kids stories, they're gruesome fables with mature themes and horrible endings. I read book after book after book.... then I found the Islamic story book for kids (the title was something like that, I don't mean there's only one) and I was horrified - and then I thought about the Old Testament's stories and put things in a bigger perspective.

The local fables deal with death, suicide attempts, murder, thieves, starvation, and punishment. They were not stories I would ever tell a child, ever. I could see the religious overtones coming through without necessarily being able to identify which religion it was - just old, style, heavy handed fear of God rammed down your throat type of stuff... not even fear of God, just FEAR of doing something WRONG.

I bought some really gentle books for my nephews and a little girl who doesn't yet appreciate that she has an extra aunt on the other side of the world and then picked out one of these books to share with my Mom. I'm not going to detail any of the stories in that one but I'll give you a summary of a story I thought was HORRIBLE!

In the jungle a rabbit wanted to get to the other side of the river. The lion offered him a ride but he was scared the lion would eat him so he went to his friends to ask advice. They said don't worry. The lion is trustworthy and he won't eat you. The rabbit was still scared so his friends said again, don't worry, we'll even join you. The rabbit took a ride from the lion and made it safely to the other side. When he climbed off and sighed with relief then all of his friends jumped on him and kicked him and hit him until he was dead and then they ate him.

Moral - don't always listen to your so called friends - you'll be better off when you think for yourself.

SERIOUSLY?!?!?

summertime summary

As you know, I spent three months on crutches. During that time my kid went back to the US for her annual summer visit. I was scheduled to follow her out a month later and then we'd return together.

Not what happened. I got off crutches, went to a wedding in southern Moravia, was mistaken for a prostitute by a rather dirty nearly toothless man in a car who followed me while I walked to the wedding brunch, went to graduation, went on a weekend trip to Slapy, and then, just before I was to fly to the US for a pleasant summer holiday, the kid called to let me know she'd decided to stay.

So I packed an extra suitcase and moved over some of her favorite things. While I was there it wasn't so easy. There was an underlying level of tension in the air and a lot of preoccupation which made it hard to connect to the people I love most. Another family member was in failing health and that caused a great level of totally understandable stress. After three weeks, the chance to see my siblings and nephews and some friends, and celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday I returned.

And then I had to start adjusting to being alone, not waiting for the kid to come back, but truly being alone for the first time in my adult life. Temporarily I have someone staying in her room, but that's truly temporarily. The cat is still here.

And now, just over a month after my return. I've had a family member pass away. This isn't the moment in which I'll pay tribute to him, but rather the moment in which I'm updating the events in my life. It wasn't sudden, he was in ill health for a long period of time and deteriorated while I was visiting. It doesn't make the loss of his physical being any less. It hurts. And it hurts knowing that I"m not present to be part of my family at this moment. I'm not able to share in the joy and the love and memories that are free flowing as he gave all of us so much and so many. And I'm not there to sit with my mom or my daughter or my grandma. I'm here, alone, and crying.

The last few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. The time spent on crutches brought an underlying injury to my arms and hands to the forefront and I'm dealing with ongoing pain and required medication. Getting blindsided by the kid, adjusting my life and mentality to the empty nest and now the loss of a loved one.  I've taken a bit of a break from a lot of things. This post doesn't necessarily mean I've returned, but in case it's a while longer before I write again... well, now you know what's going on.

I hope you are all happy and healthy. And maybe you can sit down and write or call someone you love but don't see very often. Make sure the people you love don't just know it on an inner level but are aware of it on an ongoing basis.

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I forgot - due to a rash of deaths this week from methanol poisoning the Czech government has suspended sales of all hard alcohol - anything over 20%. In respects to liquor this country is dry until the government can identify the source and destroy all of the poisonous alcohol. People have bought it in stores and restaurants across the country and so far 20 people have died and an unknown number have been blinded and otherwise seriously injured. There are a number of people here in an uproar about this "prohibition" and deprivation of alcohol. I think that's an ignorant and shortsighted stance. The government is going shop to shop, bar to bar and restaurant to restaurant to make sure that what is available isn't going to kill the consumer. Then it, the suspension of sales, will be over. Chill out.