a little depleted today

I don't know if it's been the massive amounts of misinformation and resulting frustration I've been experiencing at school, if it's the joys of trying to parent a teen who has a very separate life from my own (not in connection, it's just that physically we're going in different directions) - and who forgets the basic steps necessary to protect her beautiful brain, or knowing that I have to go face the foreign police in another week and they're going to want money, far more money than what I have... I don't know what it is, but it's getting to me right now.

This is one of those times when I wish someone else were a part of it. Sometimes I would appreciate knowing that I can step back because I'm upset, and someone else will calmly explain why what is what and how not to let it happen again - cause I don't always get the calm conversation part right. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone who could let me talk - and then who I could listen to instead of having my own stuff in my head. Sometimes it'd be nice to have someone else think about dinner... or suggest a more interesting alternative. Sometimes it'd be nice to not have to feel 100% it all the time - provider, caretaker, mothering friend. And sometimes I think Coral would appreciate having a counterbalance, someone else to confide in, someone with a different perspective than my own - an alternate view... we mesh so often in our perspectives that when we don't it's rather startling. She would maybe benefit from someone who has a more responsible forward-thinking line of thought than my own. I tend to focus on here and now and count on the rest of it all working out. It has so far, and if I keep doing what I'm doing I don't see any reason why things won't just keep working out... but with a bit more planning and down-to-earthedness maybe it would be smoother. Of course if I were that responsible forward thinking person I'd be my own counter-balance and lose a bit of what I think makes me the me that I am, the me that I like... and the one who follows through on asinine ideas like moving to the other side of the world with a teenager and without a job, a friend, or a grasp of the language - yet makes it work, and works it well.

Now, having read that, I think if I just go to bed I'll get over the little bitty baby blues. (OH GOD - not as in having a baby or just had a baby blues, as in itsty bitsty teeny tiny... don't misread anything please)