things about my fingers - don't make me text

I used to play the piano but I don't anymore. Each hand types at a different speed - I often hit the wrong key, or usually, keys out of order, even though I know how to spell. I capitalize as little as possible - it hurts my little finger which makes my whole hand hurt. I hate texting, or SMSing, whatever you want to call it - trying to manipulate in that little space is like a mini hell. I can't open jars or bottles or grip anything very hard. It's happened, last summer when my kid was gone, that I've had something and couldn't open it, couldn't ever get hold of a neighbor to open it, and then it went bad and then I had to throw it out - that's a feeling of frustration and helplessness. Sometimes they don't like moving at all, sometimes I can't feel them, sometimes it's like pins and needles, amplified by 1,000 and only in very specific spots. Sometimes I find I'm biting my fingertips trying to get at the pain, but not too often, fortunately. I don't write with a pen/pencil very often as they can be hard to control - when I do I prefer a gel pen over anything else. I'm no good with a screwdriver - the motion will have me in tears a few hours later.

On the flip side - I can hold a brush, toothbrush, and hairdryer. I can button and unbutton, tie my shoes and fasten hooks. I can grasp and use my keys. I can pull a zipper open and close. I can type, slowly and patiently. I can use a fork and knive, handle pots and pans, pick up a DVD and carry groceries. I can pick up coins when I count change. There was a point when I couldn't do any of this. All the "I cans" definitely outweight the "I can'ts" even if there are more of the negative than the positive. I CAN isn't a given for me, it's growth, it's a triumph, a genuine personal success - and I can keep growing, triumping and uncovering more personal successes. I can live a life without the overhanging dreariness of "can't" - not to say that can't doesn't have its moments, but it's not the choirmaster for this song.