Tuesday, February 7, 2012

the couch and other stuff

Yes, it's too cold in my room, so tonight I've got the couch. I've also got stitches and can't sleep on my side, so another reason why it's the couch tonight... no room to roll over.

I was hoping for a really cool bandage but that didn't happen. I'm not hurt or anything, it was a totally minor planned procedure, but it was an experience - in a room full of people only one other person spoke English and that only came to light when I asked directly, after gowned and draped and blinded by the lights, "Does anyone here speak English?" I can understand some stuf - do you have allergies, are you sick, go to xyz, here is your prescription, stuff like that....  but when it comes to medical issues beyond the mundane I believe absolute clarity is important.  He didn't like to speak English very much - only when I asked a direction question or they had to ask me a direct question... and once when I flinched he asked if it hurt... I said yes and that ended the conversation. (?)

I thought this was the first time I've had stitches and was getting a bit nervous about getting them out.  Then about thirty minutes ago I realized it's the first time I was conscious when I got stitches, and that I've actually had them a few other times before.

But those were in the US and they were dissolving stitches and more discreetly placed.  These are not dissolving ones and they're on my face and not so neat (I can't see all of them, only the bits of thread peeking through the not so cool bandage, but I can see that they're not as neat and tiny and tidy.... which in itself was stressing me out, too, as my vanity started kicking in - I don't have much vanity, but the little bit I do have is fierce and intense and doesn't let go.... like...  like a baby pitbull with lockjaw. Quite a vanity battle going on right now but I think I'm winning.)  Anyway, it will be a few days before I get to see what I actually look like now.  And in the meantime, I have come to the conclusion... they should have sent me to a plastic surgeon to begin with (this was affirmed by the doctor's conversation during the procedure) - in Czech but I can understand some stuff... like that.). But they didn't. And if I feel really self conscious in the future I can always go on my own - but if it comes to that I should wait until I'm much older and really really ready and by then, vanity will have won so I can use that little bit of cosmetic correction as a cover for more invasive or drastic plastic surgery since I will be getting  a facial procedure done anyway.  To be honest though, I rather like my face. And I think I can handle a little scar; it's still my face.  Any major alteration and it would no longer be my face; it would be somebody else's design on my face.

No comments: