Recently I sent a message to a friend - a classmate I hadn't seen in a few months, who'd been gone for a bit and had recently returned. We, and another classmate or two, used to share our breaks together, grab a lunch, or sit and talk over a beer when our schedules allowed. I missed our semi-regular interaction and wanted to say I was looking forward to renewing it... The message I got back was both touching and a little confusing... bittersweet I guess.
He knew I'd had some changes and an increasingly busy schedule, and hadn't wanted to bother me by making any sort of demand on my time, but was really grateful for my contact and would come by for lunch a day or two later. To some, specifically some American friends, this may sound somewhat sarcastic or facetious or something, but knowing this person it was a genuine reflection of his state of being.
We've since had a great talk and made further plans for another lunch with some more classmates, and I'm happy to have renewed that connection.
Here's the part that was a bit confusing and made me a little sad. This is a person whom I have a rather decent feel for, and for whom I have a lot of affection. He's not a super close friend, but someone with whom it's easy to talk and laugh with, and who genuinely listens... and those are nice to find. I don't know if it's our different social acclimatization or what, but somehow, somewhere along the road, my appreciation for his friendship failed to convey that he was not a bother. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but somehow I need to work on that...
AND
Monday I had a class and was sitting next to a younger student I recognized but don't know. We ended up chatting together while we waited for the tram. Mine got there and I boarded and took one of the numerous available seats. A moment or two later I realized that he had also boarded the same tram but had opted to stand at the back. At the next stop he sat down and a man sat in front of him. The stop after that the man left and I moved over and took his sit - and started talking to him again. I don't know, I was just in a non-stop talking mood and he was my unfortunate victim.
And victim he was. I had already noticed that he was rather shy, so I tried to politely draw him out but willingly carried the conversation (nothing was going to shut me up or slow me down). He talked a little bit, and we got started talking about family and visiting and where we're from. After a few moments, in reference to one of my comments, he asked who I lived with.... I told him, my daughter, and he asked her age... I told him, and then had to repeat it as he thought he hadn't understood. He was a bit surprised and mentioned that he thought I looked like one of the students (which I am, but I knew what he meant... agewise) and I laughed and continued talking... and he immediately relaxed - visually physically relaxed, he opened up, and even laughed a bit and an easy even flow to our conversation began.
It took me only a few moments to realize what had been the hindrance to our conversation - the poor kid had thought that I was really, aggressively coming on to him, when really, I was just making conversation.
No comments:
Post a Comment