The kid's leaving again. I'm not really cool with that. Her flight's Tuesday morning, pretty early. She's in the other room doing laundry right now, and just called out "I don't think I've really realized that I'm leaving." I haven't really processed it either.
There is the logical side of me that understands why she's leaving - her Dad is back in our town... not that she'll be staying with him, other than the odd night here and there, but her brother will be visiting him as well and she would really like to see her brother. I get that.
She'll also spend a good deal of time with her aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. People she loves who love her back and who actively work to maintain a loving supportive relationship despite the distance. Her friends, she'll get time in with them.
I get all that.
But I don't really understand why it feels like she has to rather than that she wants to leave on Tuesday and be gone for the next two months... that feels more artificial to me. Forced. It's longer than either of us would choose, but is at the same time the appropriate time frame. It just feels like she's leaving her home to go spend her free time someplace that's not her home. And that while she'll be gone and enjoying herself she should also have more time here, with her Mom, her friends, her city, her home.
I hate it when she leaves. It's odd because we have grown closer and further apart at the same time. In CA we have been so much a daily part of most aspects of each other's life that she knows and is friends with all of my friends (we have 68 shared FB friends) and yet here we rarely go to the movies together, run errands together, socialize together, go shopping together... all these things we'd do together before we now do separately - which is good as she's matured and developed her own interests and aspects of her personality and is unknowingly preparing for university in two short years when we will no longer be living under the same roof... but also makes me sad a bit as she's not around as much as I've been accustomed to and I miss our shared experiences and frame of reference and her company and humor.... I miss her immediately knowing the personality and quirky aspects of whomever I am referring to... and I miss knowing each and every friend she has and their quirky personalities... And yet, despite this natural and evolving distance I'd like to think that we've also grown closer - in that we're both becoming close and closer to our authentic selves and are therefore more and more able to be present in our relationships as well as genuinely present who we are.
I am truly blessed, so incredibly fortunate to have a child who is not only a good kid, but an awesome and honorable person and a true friend. I enjoy her presence, her company, her input, her humor and am not looking forward AT ALL to her extended absence.
Maybe next year it'll be a shorter summer break, or I'll come home too. Two months is too long. And this is coming from a mother/daughter duo who were preparing for boarding school. What in the world were we thinking?!?
There is the logical side of me that understands why she's leaving - her Dad is back in our town... not that she'll be staying with him, other than the odd night here and there, but her brother will be visiting him as well and she would really like to see her brother. I get that.
She'll also spend a good deal of time with her aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. People she loves who love her back and who actively work to maintain a loving supportive relationship despite the distance. Her friends, she'll get time in with them.
I get all that.
But I don't really understand why it feels like she has to rather than that she wants to leave on Tuesday and be gone for the next two months... that feels more artificial to me. Forced. It's longer than either of us would choose, but is at the same time the appropriate time frame. It just feels like she's leaving her home to go spend her free time someplace that's not her home. And that while she'll be gone and enjoying herself she should also have more time here, with her Mom, her friends, her city, her home.
I hate it when she leaves. It's odd because we have grown closer and further apart at the same time. In CA we have been so much a daily part of most aspects of each other's life that she knows and is friends with all of my friends (we have 68 shared FB friends) and yet here we rarely go to the movies together, run errands together, socialize together, go shopping together... all these things we'd do together before we now do separately - which is good as she's matured and developed her own interests and aspects of her personality and is unknowingly preparing for university in two short years when we will no longer be living under the same roof... but also makes me sad a bit as she's not around as much as I've been accustomed to and I miss our shared experiences and frame of reference and her company and humor.... I miss her immediately knowing the personality and quirky aspects of whomever I am referring to... and I miss knowing each and every friend she has and their quirky personalities... And yet, despite this natural and evolving distance I'd like to think that we've also grown closer - in that we're both becoming close and closer to our authentic selves and are therefore more and more able to be present in our relationships as well as genuinely present who we are.
I am truly blessed, so incredibly fortunate to have a child who is not only a good kid, but an awesome and honorable person and a true friend. I enjoy her presence, her company, her input, her humor and am not looking forward AT ALL to her extended absence.
Maybe next year it'll be a shorter summer break, or I'll come home too. Two months is too long. And this is coming from a mother/daughter duo who were preparing for boarding school. What in the world were we thinking?!?
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